do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Congratulations! We have a period
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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