Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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