He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize