There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
