now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
