you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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