i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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