I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
