I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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