Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
