he told me I talked like a deaf person
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
