Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
