Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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