I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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