yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
