Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
