I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
