Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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