She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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