I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
