Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
