Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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