Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
