new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
