I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
