Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
