The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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