Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
