I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
