i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
