I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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