I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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