You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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