Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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