In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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