Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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