operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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