so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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