A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how can u be prego again
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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