she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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