If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
