Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
