So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
