And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
