New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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