we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
