no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think my cat just said my name.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
