We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
