He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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