Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
