I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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