I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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