you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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