I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize