Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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