he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize