yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Panties = found
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
