The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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