i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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