i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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