I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
