well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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