and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
