and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
