it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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