So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
