so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
