you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
