dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
